My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
