Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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