quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
