Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize