You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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