Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
