Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
