when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
