i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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