I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
