You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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