I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
