Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
