She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize