Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
