You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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