Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
