i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
