id be glad to
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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