Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you traded sex for a burrito?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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