I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
