thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
