HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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