you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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