I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's get the cat blown out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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