Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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