I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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