I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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