the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
