apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
