I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize