I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
