Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
