am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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