Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize