Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
