I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize