Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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