So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
