somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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