just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
