I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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