wakey wakey hands off snakey
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
