fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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