does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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