She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
