you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
