Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
