508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
