Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
