I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
