Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
