im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
