Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's blow job season.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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