see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm really busy with my period
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