I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
