We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
