you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
