I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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