i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
