Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
