Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
