I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
