Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just had sex on a roof
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
