I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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