david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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