no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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