It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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