Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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