I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize