I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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