She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
