for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
