It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize