Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
