Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
