its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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