It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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