I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
