i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
