you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
