oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
