Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
