How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
