Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My feet surprised me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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