I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
