i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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