Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
