i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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