Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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