Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
