I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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