awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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