we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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