Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
