I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
