Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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