Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
