Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
