Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize