Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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