Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
