I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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