I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize