So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
