Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
