Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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