you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
