I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
