Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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