good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
