my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
