I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
